Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize