I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize