we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize