Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize