i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's never too late to be topless.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
