Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Randomize
