They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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