Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
