You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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