I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
