it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
