Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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