Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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