Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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