Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
