Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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