I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
