my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
