If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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