Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
