the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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