i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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