My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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