What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
