U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
