Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
