i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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