The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
