A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
