i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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