This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
