if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
