Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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