i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
