So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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