just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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