I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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