I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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