Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize