It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
