No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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