you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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