My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
