Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
