Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
