I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
