Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
