he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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