i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
