Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
