WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize