Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
