you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
