Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
