one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize