Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
