Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
