i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
