You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
