You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize