dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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