We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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