As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
