i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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