also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
