He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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