bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
