Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
