I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
