I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize